We're facebook friends in real life
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
