i think my tv is drunk
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
