peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
