i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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