so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
