I am puke
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize