So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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