This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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