the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
