I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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