How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The beer is more important than you right now.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
