i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize