Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
