Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
