it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
