PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
