she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
