just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
