Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
