Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
