Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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