"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize