come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
