This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
