His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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