Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
