my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If I die, sorry about rent.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
