I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
