The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
