It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
