So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
