Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize