He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
