I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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