i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
