just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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