i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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