I think im going to throw up on grandma
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
