New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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