hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
