Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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