There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
