I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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