haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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