She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
