i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
