The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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