I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
