I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
