It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
