The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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