Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
