my mouth tastes like poor choices
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
