R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
