how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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