Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
