You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
