I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize