you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I need a burrito and a hug.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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