I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i need to put some appletini on your dick
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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