A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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