me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize