so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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