i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
