I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
