I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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