Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
