i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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