when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
