none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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