This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
