as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
