1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
