Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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