party gras won. party gras always wins.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
