I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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