Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
