woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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