I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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