She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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