I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
