I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
