Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
