I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
