it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
