That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm too high and old for this...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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