a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize