Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
